My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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