Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
