I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
