i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
