new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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