I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize