I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
