We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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