I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
