I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
