If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
