i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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