Having a random hookup so left but love u
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
