he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
