i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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