when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
