Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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