TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
