I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
