I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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