im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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