Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
