I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
