at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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