Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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