your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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