Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
