things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
