Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
