we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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