smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
