My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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