they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
