I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
