Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
