Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
