I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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