you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
