I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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