And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
