Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
