i need an iv and a liver transplant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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