Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
