just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
