so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
