there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
