it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
