I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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