There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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