lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
