that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
