Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
