Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
