Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
