why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
