Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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