Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
