Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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