oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
