ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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