I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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