babies were throwing up all over the place
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize