My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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