I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
