I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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