In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
