I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
only if we run a train.
done.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
