quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
