Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
