I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
