Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
