my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
