I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
