Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
